What makes conflict resolution possible




















As you are brainstorming and choosing a good resolution, you may want to use a third party mediator. This is a person who is not from your group or your opponent's group, but whom you both trust to be fair.

Your mediator can help both sides agree upon a standard by which you'll judge your resolution. Standards are a way to measure your agreement. They include expert opinions, law, precedent the way things have been done in the past , and accepted principles. Let's say you're building a new playground for your town's elementary school.

You disagree with the superintendent about what kinds of materials you'll use to build the playground. The superintendent wants to use chemical-treated wood, but you feel it's unsafe.

A mediator might read the current guidelines of the lumber industry and tell you which kinds of wood are considered safe for children. Maybe you and the superintendent will agree to follow the lumber industry's advice--in other words, to use that as the standard. Perhaps Harriet is considering quitting her job because her boss wants to transfer her to another office. The mediator might say, "It sounds like Harriet doesn't care about transferring to the downtown office.

What she's worried about is losing rank. Harriet, do you agree with that? Snell, do you understand Harriet's concern? How can we assure Harriet that she won't lose rank if she agrees to transfer? There may be times when, despite your hard work and good will, you cannot find an acceptable resolution to your conflict. You need to think about this possibility before you begin negotiations. At what point will you decide to walk away from negotiations?

What are your alternatives if you cannot reach an agreement with your opponent? It is important that you brainstorm your alternatives to resolution early on in the negotiation process, and that you always have your best alternative somewhere in the back of your mind.

As you consider possible agreements with your opponent, compare them to this "best" alternative. If you don't know what the alternative is, you'll be negotiating without all the necessary information! In order to come up with an alternative, start by brainstorming. Then, consider the pros and cons of each alternative. Think about which alternative is realistic and practical. Also think about how you can make it even better. At the same time, don't forget to put yourself in the shoes of your opposition.

What alternatives might they have? Why might they choose them? What can you do to make your choice better than their alternative?

So far, we've talked about how to negotiate with a fairly reasonable opponent. However, you need to be prepared to negotiate with all kinds of opponents, both reasonable and unreasonable. What if your opponent is more powerful and influential that you are? What if they refuse to meet or talk with you? All of these situations are stressful, and intended to put extra pressure on you to make a quick decision in the opposition's favor. When a situation like this takes place, stay calm and go slow.

Don't get angry or make a rushed decision. Instead, talk about the pressure tactic without judging. If you have already decided on your best alternative, you have nothing to fear. You can walk away at any time, and go that route instead. Think about everything that you can do, and that your mediator can do. Although you may be less powerful, at least you will be negotiating with all the available information. In a situation like this, you may be tempted to do the same thing: "If you won't change your mind, neither will I!

Instead, treat your opponent's position as a real possibility. Ask lots of questions. Listen to their logic. Understand what their interests are, and what it is that they really want. Learn what their criticisms of your idea are.

The more you know about where they're coming from, the better a resolution you can create. In conflict resolution, the best solution is the solution that is best for both sides. Of course, that's not always possible to find, but you should use all your resources to solve your conflict as smoothly as you can. Altman, D. Public health advocacy: Creating community change to improve health.

Evarts, W. Winning through accommodation: The mediator's handbook. Fisher, R. Getting ready to negotiate: The getting to yes workbook. New York, NY: Penguin. Getting to Yes: Negotiating agreement without giving in. Ury, W. Getting past No: Negotiating your way from confrontation to cooperation. New York, NY: Bantam. Skip to main content. Toggle navigation Navigation. Providing Information and Enhancing Skills » Section 6.

Training for Conflict Resolution » Main Section. Chapter Chapter 20 Sections Section 6. Training for Conflict Resolution Section 8.

Answer the following questions with: almost never, occasionally, often, very often, or almost always. There are no right or wrong responses, only the opportunity to become better acquainted with your emotional responses.

In either case, you may need help developing your emotional awareness. When people are in the middle of a conflict, the words they use rarely convey the issues at the heart of the problem.

This will allow you to respond in a way that builds trust, and gets to the root of the problem. Your ability to accurately read another person depends on your own emotional awareness. The more aware you are of your own emotions, the easier it will be for you to pick up on the wordless clues that reveal what others are feeling. Think about what you are transmitting to others during conflict, and if what you say matches your body language.

You can ensure that the process of managing and resolving conflict is as positive as possible by sticking to the following guidelines:. Listen for what is felt as well as said.

When you really listen, you connect more deeply to your own needs and emotions, and to those of other people. Be respectful of the other person and their viewpoint. Focus on the present. Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the here-and-now to solve the problem.

Pick your battles. Be willing to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can serve only to deplete and drain your life. Know when to let something go. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on. You can avoid many confrontations and resolve arguments and disagreements by communicating in a humorous way.

Humor can help you say things that might otherwise be difficult to express without offending someone. When humor and play are used to reduce tension and anger, reframe problems, and put the situation into perspective, the conflict can actually become an opportunity for greater connection and intimacy.

Authors: Jeanne Segal, Ph. CR Kit — Covers causes of conflict, different conflict styles, and fair fighting guidelines to help you positively resolve disagreements. Conflict Resolution Network. Effective Communication — The art of listening in conflict resolution. University of Maryland. This holiday season alone, millions of people will turn to HelpGuide for free mental health guidance and support.

So many people rely on us in their most difficult moments. Can we rely on you? All gifts made before December 31 will be doubled. Cookie Policy. What is conflict? Conflict A conflict is more than just a disagreement. Click here to cancel reply. Your email address will not be published. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Preparing for Negotiation Understanding how to arrange the meeting space is a key aspect of preparing for negotiation.

This discussion was held at the 3 day executive education workshop for senior executives at the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School. Remember Me This setting should only be used on your home or work computer. Lost your password? Create a new password of your choice. All rights reserved. Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published.

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